It's True... Age is JUST a Number

Last night I saw a friend's updated FB status that said, "26 never felt so good". The following thoughts went through my mind: "I agree! I can't wait until 27! ....wait, or am I 27? No. I'm 26. ...Aren't I turning 27? No, I'll be 28. Crap!! UGH... I was born in '86... to '96 is 10, 2006 is 20, to 2007, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13... 27. I'm 27. Danggit. Virginia you gotta get it together."

It weighed on my mind all night. And still nagged me this morning. On the way to a special YSA meeting before Stake Conference I had the following thoughts in the car: "I can't believe I didn't know how old I was. That so embarrassing! But it's a good thing age is only a number. I mean, it does give you a head's up on how mature someone should be, but it doesn't really determine anything. And who cares really? 26? 27? 28? I'm still living an amazing life. But really though... who forgets their age?! I can't ever tell any one. Crap I already told Priscilla. Hmmm. Forget it. I'm 27. I know I'm 27. We just won't mention this... Let'ssssss listen to music...."

For you non-mormon readers YSA means Young Single Adults. We're non-married members of the LDS Church (The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints). Semi-annually we have Stake Conference. (Each Mormon is a member of a ward. This is the group we meet with weekly. 8-or-so wards are then grouped into Stakes with leaders over the whole stake. And stakes are grouped into regions. And world-wide our church is the same. For more information and answers go to Mormon.org.) During Stake Conference we get together as whole stake and share in the same messages.

This particular conference the YSA members of our stake were invited to a special YSA meeting. Our Stake President, President Hiatt, addressed us. He started off talking about interviewing 11-yr old children and their excitement to leave Primary (our children's program) to join the Young Men & Young Women programs (our youth programs). He talked about the excitement during interviews when the youth are 13 and 15 preparing to advance in YM & YW. He said beyond those years and the age cutoffs for serving a mission, we aren't bound by our age. He went on to talk about how important it is to "lift where we stand" and strengthen ourselves, those around us, and the church no matter where we are in our lives. He said it doesn't matter what age we are, because there is no magic age to graduate college, get married, advance in your career, or have children.  The most important part is that we are living the life Heavenly Father wants us to live. And we are becoming the people Heavenly Father wants us to become.

As President Hiatt spoke my eyes filled with tears. I knew Heavenly Father needed me to hear this message. Yes, I had already received the revelation that age is just a number (just this morning none-the-less), but I needed this message to help me apply it spiritually. I serve with the Young Women (ages 12-18) in our ward. I tell my girls all of the time how much they mean to Heavenly Father. I know I mean the world to Him too, and He loves me unconditionally. This I do not doubt! What I was doubting (even though buried deeply in the back of my heart and mind where I rarely choose to visit) was my uncertainty that I am truly where Heavenly Father wants me. Today I know I'm not only where He wants me, but I am where He needs me.

Yes, I am 27 (seriously.) and almost 28, and not married with children as I want myself to be, but Heavenly Father needs me to be 27 and single. And maybe 28 and single. And maybe 32 and single. It doesn't matter. As long as I become the daughter He knows I can be, and lift where I stand, then I'll receive the blessings He has in store.

Autumn is a Time of Change

A month ago I was driving from Greensboro to Raleigh and the leaves were just beginning to change. It was beautiful! I had this overwhelming feeling to enjoy every second of this fall because this could be my last in North Carolina. I'm getting older and feel as though a change is coming. I don't know when, or where to, or how, or why, or anything remotely reflective of a detail to this thought, but the thought is there. I'm asking all of you to keep me in your minds and thoughts and prayers as I take the necessary time to figure out where Heavenly Father wants, and needs, me. Maybe I'll stay in the city? Maybe I'll just move apartments? Maybe I'll only move to another city close by? But... Maybe I'll move to San Diego? Who knows! Right now though, I just want to enjoy every day and all of the beauty that surrounds me here!

Christian's Take on Me Being "Lonely"

Most people know I live for moments I get to spend with my nephews. I want to share with you one of my favorite stories from my week with them...

My sister and brother-in-law returned Thursday just in time to keep Jason home while I went to get Christian from school. I spend Wednesday night and Thursday morning telling the boys how much I was going to miss them when I leave and come back home. While in the car I reminded Christian that I didn't want to leave I really wanted to stay... here is our conversation:

Christian: You really need to get somebody to live with you.
Me: Why's that?
C: Because then you wouldn't be so lonely.
M: *chuckling* I'm not lonely, but I do have someone in mind that I want to live with me. I'm kind of working on it. Can you guess who it is?
C: *without missing a beat* Well it can't be me because I have to live with my mommy.
M: Nope, it's not you. Try again.
C: *without missing a beat* And it can't be my brother because he has to live with my mommy too!
M: *laughing* No no, it's not your brother. Think about it, who might Aunt Chrissy really want to live with her?
C: Ummmm.... Ummm... I'm Thinking... IS IT UNCLE BRON-BRON?!
M: *LAUGHING* Yup. That's what I was thinking.
C: *literally shaking his head and chuckling* I knew it! You have to work harder because you're so lonely.

We chuckled all the way home! And once again, I realized this little boy is too smart for his own good!

I do not doubt it... my Heavenly Father knows me well!

There is no doubting it, Heavenly Father knows me so very well. He puts a song on at the right time. He makes a friend call at the right time. He gives me a sacrament talk when I need it. A hug when I need it. And most importantly, He gives me strength when I have none. Today He was there for me; I am sure of it, 100%. Then this song came on right when I needed it most:

Tonight I smile wide, I remember better days are sure to come, I dream big and am grateful Heavenly Father is there for me, always. :)

flo.ri.da. florida.

i love it here! there are palm trees everywhere! and lots of different kinds. big ones. small ones. regular ones. this state is awesome. :) i love bring away from greensboro - i needed this! i love miami. i don't so much love miami traffic. i love the calm mornings while val is working. i love traveling with izzy and getting to know her better. (man she gets GREAT gas mileage!) i love the good food i've had. i love pollo tropical (thanks priscilla). i love the miami heat. i love that they've won twice since i've been here. i, of course, love lebron... still. i love reading the books i've been saving. i love catching up with nephi. i love singing sugarland to the top of my lungs with the sunroof open. i love have sun-kissed skin. i love meeting new people and making new friends. i love priscilla's family for letting us stay with them. i love betty's food. i love how hispanic people kiss each other on the cheek. i love jose's preciousness. i love the beach. i love the taste of the salt on my lips. i love the feel of the sun on my back - until it burns my back. but most of all, i love my eternal bestie, valerie. i love being with her. i love our laughter. i love singing phantom of the opera or lady gaga or maroon 5 or luke bryan (yes, we are musically diverse) at the tops of our lungs. i love our road trips and dancing in the car. i love sharing secrets, sharing jokes, people watching with her and most of all, sharing our time together! she may be a sore loser, and she may be a thunder fan (booo!) but she is an EXCELLENT navigator, wonderful singer, great secret keeper and, most importantly, my EB and i thank her for that. <3

when i'm 60...

this morning i went for a walk around the neighborhood and boy was it hot, humid and miserable!! i was about halfway through my planned route and ready to quit when i saw the most precious thing. walking towards me in the distance was a couple. as i got closer i noticed they were older, mid 60s, carrying on a conversation, and she was carrying a cup of coffee. it. was. PRECIOUS! i tried to listen to their conversation but couldn't hear a lot, just what sounded like everyday chatter - what they had planned for the day. they nodded and said, "good morning" as i passed, and then just continued on with their conversation. for the rest of the walk i kept thinking about them. how at ease they seamed with each other, how natural their walk was and how absolutely perfect it seemed. so, now i have a goal for when i am 60. if i am blessed with a husband at that time, i hope we wake up early, go for a walk, and can be absolutely at ease with each other! :)

i love you, momma

i was 8 years old when my aunt paulette asked me if i understood my mother was different. "different". what a word. different than who? her? my other aunts? my grandmother? yes, she was different. she was the only one who disciplined me. i was everyone else's favorite so i usually got my way. :) this, however, isn't what she was referring to. she was asking me if i understood that my mom couldn't read. that she would never be able to help me with my homework. that my aunts would always be a big part of my life because she needed their help. she was asking if i understood that my sister and i would have to teach ourselves a lot of life lessons because my mom couldn't. i nodded and said yes. i understood. truth is, i had no idea.

growing up i knew she couldn't read me stories, she would just tell me stories from memory. she couldn't do math beyond simple arithmetic. she didn't know facts about history or scientific laws. i did know she was a good woman. she was at every soccer game, basketball game, award ceremony and special occasion. she made sure i was at seminary each morning and mutual every week. she had dinner ready every night, and always asked about my days. i thought she was a pretty good mother. but sometimes, the things she couldn't do, made me sad. i wanted her to get me. to relate. and she couldn't and that hurt my feelings.

i was in high school when i was actually taught about my mother's handicap. i found out her IQ. i found out it would be very difficult for her to get past a lower elementary school level. i was so hurt and sad that no one ever told me, because now i understood more. i knew more of where she was coming from and how she learned. it was such an eye opening experience.

now i'm 26. and being mormon i've learned so much about life and eternity and heavenly father's plan for each of his children. i know how much my heavenly father loves me, and more so, how much he loves my mom. he commands us to be like children. to be meek and humble before him. how grateful should i be that my mother is that ultimate example to me?! she is a sweet spirit that my heavenly father has put on this earth to guide me and influence me and help prepare me to return to him.

no, growing up wasn't always sunshine and rainbows. it was hard and difficult and frustrating at times. and i didn't have this eternal perspective until i was well into my 20's. but it is because of this eternal perspective that i am able to focus on the positives of my mother. i love her. with every single piece of my soul. aaaand even though she calls me every day, aaaand sometime i don't want to answer, i'm grateful she cares enough to do so. i don't know that i could imagine life without her. and i don't want to. :)

and because heavenly father loves me so much, he has given me women along the way to teach me motherly things that mine couldn't. women who so simply fill the gaps. gaps i'm happy to have. because i know my mom, and she is the best for me.

i love you, momma.

<3