Why You Don't Have to Wish Me a "Happy Mother's Day"

Hi Friends!

These thoughts have been on my heart for years. As I've watched my dearest and closest friends, cousins, coworkers, etc. have babies, I've had these thoughts. As I've watched the struggles of getting pregnant, difficult births, and parenting, I've had these thoughts. As I've watched divorces and single parenting, I've had these thoughts. I chose not to share them because it seemed silly, in a way. It seemed as though I should be grateful for all the times people told me "Happy Mother's Day."

And I was.

But I've never liked it.

Today is Mother's Day. The day where we celebrate all the mommas. Not only mommas by birth, but step mommas, grandmommas, not-yet mommas, fur mommas, and everything in between.

And today a lot of people have, and will, wish me a Happy Mother's Day. They do so knowing my heart would love to be a momma's heart, but isn't yet. They do so knowing how much I love their children unconditionally, often times, like my own family. They do so with the compliment that "one day you will be a momma too!" And while I understand, and appreciate the sentiment, I do not like it. And I especially do not like the underlying "I'm sad you are not yet a mother" tone that comes with it.

So today I'm asking you, please do not celebrate me.

I am not a mother. I have not carried a baby. I have not birthed a child. I have not experienced a miscarriage. I have not painstakingly gone through an adoption process. I am not married to a man whose child I am helping raise. I have not endured the disappointment of fertility treatments. And I do not have animals. 

I am not a mother. I am not an adoptive mother. I am not a stepmother. I am not a furmother. I am not a trying-to-be mother. 

Yes, I would love to be a mom. Yes, I believe it is my divine destiny to be a mother. Yes, I love your children like my own family. 

But I am not a mom.

In my 20s I prayed for a lot of years to understand why I wasn't gifted a family of my own. I wanted to be married. I wanted children. I wanted a white picket fence around a white house on a hill next door to my best friend Lauren where we would raise our children barefoot in the kitchen together. And I couldn't understand why I wasn't granted that gift. I was worthy of my Heavenly Father's Blessings, He was pouring them out in other areas. But not in the area of "FAMILY.” Or at least, not like I wanted Him to do. I spent a lot of these years spending every other weekend with my nephews, filling what I felt was a void with their laughter and cuddles. 

One day I was visiting with some sisters from my church. Both of them married with kids of their own, we were discussing families. And I blurted out that I felt like my role right now was not to be a mom, my role was to be an aunt and to help with the children around me. I don't remember having this conversation previously, although I may have, but I remember the feeling of being complete in my heart after I said it. I thought about it all day, and for the next weeks to come.

I finally understood His plan. He did not intend for me to be a mother right now. And while I did not expect that, He wanted this for me. So, I started to embrace it. I wasn't going to be a mother, but I was so much more... A friend. A sister. A daughter. And my personal favorite: an A U N T.

It was with this realization that I promised myself the people around me would know of my love, and I would be the best aunt I could possibly be!

At first it was just my nephews. Then they got older and lost interest (LOL) in spending weekends with me. At that time my friends were having babies. And I was throwing baby showers and changing diapers, and babysitting for date nights, and visiting in the hospital — you name it! And with time, I saw how rich my life was with the people in it, and I did not miss the family I didn't have.

Because I do not have a family of my own, I have been able to do so much that I otherwise couldn't do. I have spent the night in the hospital with friends. I have babysat a countless number of hours. I have been up well into the morning talking to friends who went through many trials, including divorces. I've dropped everything to be there for friends without having to accommodate my personal family. I've stayed at my sister's house for weeks while she enjoyed vacations. I have traveled across the country to hug friends in need. I've spent 9 nights in a row with multiple different friends who have needed love in one form or another. And the one thing I could not do on my own, my sister let me do — I got to experience the birth of my niece, Josey Grace.
 
Most importantly - I have received unconditional love from more children than I can count on my hands, toes and eyelashes! I have given piggy back rides, pushed swings, held hands, made lots of meals, given millions of hugs, told stories, made crafts, celebrated birthdays, wiped tears, comforted, put on bandages, tied shoes, taught life lessons, and helped with homework. I have also disciplined, been peed on, thrown up on, and hit in the face.

I am not lacking because I am not a mother.

Quite the opposite; I am overjoyed and full of love and life lessons, because I am an AUNT.

Today is not a day to celebrate me. Today is a day to celebrate mothers. Do not wish me a Happy Mother's Day and send me your love and sentiment about how I deserve to be a mom as much as the next person. I know Heavenly Father has a plan for me, and my day will come. But it isn't today, and I need you to be as okay with that as I am.

Instead, let me be your friend. Let me love your kids. Let that be enough for me. And celebrate me on Aunt & Uncles Day: July 26th!

I may not be a mom, but I am happy, and I know I am where I need to be. And, I am more than in love with my life and my role as a sister, friend, daughter, and aunt to dozens of kiddos. 

<3