When God Told Me to Resign From My Job. And I Listened.

I resigned from my job.

I did not have another job lined up.

I did not (and for the record DO NOT) know what my next step was (is) supposed to be.

But I resigned. From my job.

Gave a four-week notice… and resigned… without a new job lined up… knowing I would have to move…

*deep breath*

I resigned.

WHO DOES THAT?!

Me. I do. (Apparently.)

You should know I have worked for the same company for 11 ½ years. In 2008 I started work as a part time Resident Advisor for off-campus student housing. And in the summer of 2009, I thought I’d take time off from college, move home, and figure out my life. Before I could, the owner of my company offered me a full-time (big girl) job with bonuses and benefits. Only an idiot would say no. (And despite what you might be thinking after I told you I resigned from my job without a new job, I am no idiot.)

When I submitted my notice on Monday, 1/20/20 (the day I like to call D-Day), the most asked question was, “What happened?” And the truthful answer is – God happened.

I’ve always been a faithful follower of my loving and too-good-to-me Heavenly Father. I was gifted this blind, miraculous, enlightening faith that has carried me throughout my life. I have always known, without doubt, of Him and His intense love for me, and as long as I was living my life to be the best person I could be, He would give me blessings. And boy has He delivered on that promise!! I’m fortunate that I have not had to work very hard to know where to go, or what to do, because either the steps of life have fallen into place, or the answers have come quick and have felt positive and reassuring at every crossroad.

Until now.

After my full-time position started (as a leasing consultant) I took to the multi family housing industry like a fish to water. You could not convince me, or anyone around me, that I wasn’t made for this gig. I grew leaps and bounds and just after 2 years was promoted to manager. Was I ready? Heavens no. But my leadership team trusted me and I knew with hard work, determination, a strong team, and a little bit of Jesus, ya girl could kill it. AND. I. DID. Looking back, I have no clue how I was chosen to manage a 375-unit, multi-site property with the little bit of experience I had. I’m still astounded. But here I am. After a total of 11 ½ years in this industry and with my company – at a weird impasse.

I know, I know. You want to know how we got to the impasse. Truth is, it’s been a slow journey.

5 ½ years ago I visited my best friend in Arizona. I fell in love. In a million years I never thought I would entertain the idea I had from the moment I stepped out of the airport – I could live here. I prayed and prayed and was overcome with the feeling that a change would come, but not right now.

3 years ago I felt the stirring in my heart to make a change. I prayed about it and felt like it was time to entertain the idea of moving to Arizona. My sister was pregnant with what she said (and still claims) would be her last baby. I felt like trying Arizona for a couple years while the baby was little and wouldn’t miss me, was the greatest idea. I applied fervently for jobs and when I visited, interviewed my butt off. I even entertained the idea of working in California. (But let’s be real, the California idea didn’t last very long.) None of the job offers I received felt right. None of them gave me peace or reassurance.

Clearly, I didn’t move.

And boy am I glad! Josey Grace was born and most of y’all know she is just the greatest baby in the world, and I seriously could not imagine the past three years without her sweet love in my life!

From that moment forward, I have had this nagging feeling about leaving my job and trying something new. However, local jobs I interviewed for never felt right. The companies didn’t feel right. The positions didn’t feel right. Sometimes it was the person interviewing me that didn’t feel like a good fit. And when I felt good about something, my default decision making method would turn on – is it worth the discomfort to make the change, or would I rather be comfortable? Comfort always won.

Comfort. Always. Won.

In 2018 I started seeing my therapist, Molly. In 2019 I started seeing a nutrition therapist, Laura. The two of them have successfully challenged every comfort-patterned thinking I have ever had. I have spent a lot of money, a lot of time, and ten times as many tears, working through stuff. I can’t even define “stuff” because it’s so much. I have a better relationship with other people, and myself, through all of the work we’ve put in together. And I have found comfort in the uncomfortable.

But most of all – they’ve helped me trust myself.

Which in turn, has helped me trust my Heavenly Father so much more.

A little over a year ago I started having this same nagging feeling that I need to explore other employment opportunities. But I just gently pushed it away because staying in my job was comfortable. I needed surgery and couldn’t afford not to have insurance. It didn’t make sense to rock the boat. Plus, I had just started working with my nutrition therapist and was challenging everything I ever thought or learned about diet culture, food, nutrition, and how to not hate my body. (Maybe I’ll be brave enough to write this blog one day.) The biggest decision I was capable of making last year was whether or not I would continue to dye my hair – and the choice was no. (Yet another blog to write.)

But when Heavenly Father has a plan for you, I’ve learned He WILL make it happen. And over time I started exploring the idea of moving outside of Greensboro. GASP. I KNOW. I started planning with my sister what it would be like to live on her land (my brother-in-law’s dream for 7 years has been to move me close), and possibly work for her company. The more we casually talked about this the more realistic and enticing it became, living near my family and seeing them more than a few times a month.

One day in October my mom called me to help her understand some directions for her colonoscopy. My sister was out of town at a funeral and mom could not understand the preparation schedule. (To understand mom and why she needed my help, scroll back a few blogs.) I was overwhelmed with both frustration and sadness that I couldn’t help her. And more so that my sister had to help her after a long day at a funeral. I am still, as I type this, sad because my sister does so much, and I wish I could do more. This event gave a LOT of water to the life-changing-seed that had been planted in my mind.

Over the next two months I am bombarded by the feeling that in 2020 something will change. And I will need to be brave. I knew I would be quitting my job. I knew I would be moving. And while I told a select couple of people, I couldn’t do anything about it because I didn’t know where I would be going or how I was going to leave a city, apartment, job, friends, church, etc. that I love.

So, I sat in my comfortable job and plugged along. I brainstormed possibilities on a regular basis and I stressed and anxiously planned out every worst-case scenario that could happen if I were to make any of these changes. Which made me want to stay even more.

There was a series of events that happened in my personal life and work life where I believe Heavenly Father pointedly showed me, it’s time to move on. Nothing earth shattering, but small instances that continued to water this life-changing-seed. (One of them was the start of my Best Friend Book Club to read Braving the Wilderness by Brené Brown.) But where am I going to go?! I started applying for jobs. This time, most of them in cities that would put me closer to my family. Because if I’m going to move, I might as well solve two problems. I had an interview. Score. Beautiful property in Mooresville, right on Lake Norman. During the interview I look this regional manager in the eye and said, whether or not you hire me for this job, I will be resigning from my current company. I don’t remember choosing my words in the three minutes that followed, but I was speaking, and I remember the message I shared: The time has come for me to grow. For me to try something new. For me to be in a new place.

 

I felt the truth of this message in my bones. Stronger than I had with any other time I discussed my future. I knew I would be doing it. In truth I had known for a long time. But I knew, as long as I worked at my job, I wouldn’t make any changes. A bit later I had an appointment with my therapist. I tell her what I’m thinking. We discuss all the fears. I walk through them. I clear my mind of all worldy hesitations. Whatever fog I’ve created that has stopped me from feeling the spirit around these thoughts – is gone.

And this is where God steps in.

Over the next four days I listen to the spirit in a way I have never heard it speak to me. I watch as people are put in my path, and conversations happen, that show me how aware my Heavenly Father is of my need for confirmation. As I write this I am crying with gratitude to share this with you. That Sunday at church we had a talk on faith. In Sunday School we discuss holding to the iron rod. We talk about Nephi being willing to go and do the things the Lord commands. That afternoon, scrolling through Instagram I come across a spiritual thought from Al Carraway titled “When we don’t know WHAT to Move Forward With”. In this she talks about the difficulty of making decisions and needing to know what direction to go. I was overcome by peace as I listened to her remind me that Heavenly Father may not tell us which decision is right (because multiple choices can be right) but He will ALWAYS tell us if a decision is wrong.

In that moment. At 3ish in the afternoon, I had no fear. No sadness. No hesitation. A change was coming. It was here. And the feeling I felt months prior, to be brave, was coming to pass. I would be resigning the next day.

I asked a friend for a blessing. Priesthood blessings are given in our church by worthy priesthood holders who have the authority to act in God’s name. The words shared in the blessing, by inspiration and revelation, are as if Heavenly Father Himself were saying them to you. I don’t remember crying. I just remember repeating everything in my head hoping I could remember it the next morning. When it was over I had tear stained cheeks and shirt and sobbed with love and gratitude. How could I fear any change, especially one that He has told me to make, showed me how to make, and orchestrated for me?! I bee-lined home to write down everything I could remember:

• Heavenly Father is keenly aware of me and my needs
• As I walk in faith I will come to know the atonement in ways I’ve never thought possible or even considered
• He is proud of me for making this choice and acting on faith
• I do not need to fear because He will make sure my temporal needs are met. My wants may be lacking, but my needs will be met.
• Do not fear this change
• Be comforted by the atonement
• Know Heavenly Father loves me 
• Stepping into the unknown to me is NOT unknown to Him
• He knows me. He loves me. He is aware of this trial and proud of the choice I’ve made
  

How could I ever fear when He is beside me and I am doing HIS will?!

I can’t.

I didn’t.

I don’t.

I woke up Monday knowing I was walking into a dark room and if I would be patient enough and let Him take His time, He would turn on the light. But first, I need to go into the dark room.

WHO CHOOSES TO GO INTO THE DARK ROOM AND CAN’T CONTROL THE LIGHTS?! Not me. Nope. I don’t.

But I did.

I drove to my corporate office, without any doubt or fear about this decision. I knew Heavenly Father would guide me every step of the way. Instead of anxiously overthinking, I turned on some K-Love and “The God Who Stays” comes on. And these lyrics right here stuck with me:

You're the God who stays
You're the one who runs in my direction
When the whole world walks away
You're the God who stands
With wide open arms

And when the song ends, I’m in the parking lot, and I know. Not only does He know me. Not only is this His will, but He is the God who STAYS. And I knew He was walking in the door with me that day. And I know He orchestrated it so I could confidently tell my regional manager, then the president of our company, and then the owner of our company, that I am choosing to walk away and faithfully follow my Heavenly Father to something new and different. I hoped I was able to express my gratitude and humility for the opportunity I was given 10 years ago to step out of a part time role and grow with them. For 11 ½ years I have been learning about this industry and developing some key career skills that I hope will help me succeed in my next journey. While this company is headed in a positive direction of expansion and growth, the reality is, I just could not see myself on this journey with them. This company is all I have known as an adult and right now, I feel this overwhelming need to learn something new. Try something new. Be with a new company and new culture. Let new leaders teach and guide me. And, have a fresh start.

Truth is, I felt this three years ago. But Heavenly Father knew I wasn’t ready to listen to Him. And He knew I was too complacent to step outside of my comfort zone. So, He planted the seed and then worked diligently to water it until I was ready. Until I could trust myself to lean on Him.

I sat with my therapist, Molly and said, “I can’t believe I’m doing this. I can’t believe it. I bet you never thought this day would come.” And she said, “Oh I knew this day would come. I knew you could do it. You didn’t think you could do it. But I knew.” And I’ll be dangged if that isn’t the moral of the story. I didn’t know I could do this. But Heavenly Father sure did. He saw I needed an opportunity to change and grow and He made it happen. One step at a time. I am in awe and wonder of His work and His glory. I am in awe of the trust He has in me to listen to Him.

So, what’s next? I have no clue. Truth be told, I’m still in the dark room. Waiting for the light to be turned on. All the while I’m frantically applying for jobs and semi-panicking about packing my garage to move. I am hopeful for some light to shine soon, but I know it will be on His time, in His manner.

And, I’ll wait. Because while it might seem crazy to quit your job without a new one, and I might agree with that thought, it doesn’t feel crazy knowing it’s what God wants.

Today we’re doing what He wants.

That means applying for endless jobs, planning a move, and packing up my life for whatever is next.

AND it means trusting Him to keep talking to me, while trusting myself to keep listening.

(P.S.  Don’t hesitate to send any job opportunities my way. LOL!)