when i'm 60...

this morning i went for a walk around the neighborhood and boy was it hot, humid and miserable!! i was about halfway through my planned route and ready to quit when i saw the most precious thing. walking towards me in the distance was a couple. as i got closer i noticed they were older, mid 60s, carrying on a conversation, and she was carrying a cup of coffee. it. was. PRECIOUS! i tried to listen to their conversation but couldn't hear a lot, just what sounded like everyday chatter - what they had planned for the day. they nodded and said, "good morning" as i passed, and then just continued on with their conversation. for the rest of the walk i kept thinking about them. how at ease they seamed with each other, how natural their walk was and how absolutely perfect it seemed. so, now i have a goal for when i am 60. if i am blessed with a husband at that time, i hope we wake up early, go for a walk, and can be absolutely at ease with each other! :)

i love you, momma

i was 8 years old when my aunt paulette asked me if i understood my mother was different. "different". what a word. different than who? her? my other aunts? my grandmother? yes, she was different. she was the only one who disciplined me. i was everyone else's favorite so i usually got my way. :) this, however, isn't what she was referring to. she was asking me if i understood that my mom couldn't read. that she would never be able to help me with my homework. that my aunts would always be a big part of my life because she needed their help. she was asking if i understood that my sister and i would have to teach ourselves a lot of life lessons because my mom couldn't. i nodded and said yes. i understood. truth is, i had no idea.

growing up i knew she couldn't read me stories, she would just tell me stories from memory. she couldn't do math beyond simple arithmetic. she didn't know facts about history or scientific laws. i did know she was a good woman. she was at every soccer game, basketball game, award ceremony and special occasion. she made sure i was at seminary each morning and mutual every week. she had dinner ready every night, and always asked about my days. i thought she was a pretty good mother. but sometimes, the things she couldn't do, made me sad. i wanted her to get me. to relate. and she couldn't and that hurt my feelings.

i was in high school when i was actually taught about my mother's handicap. i found out her IQ. i found out it would be very difficult for her to get past a lower elementary school level. i was so hurt and sad that no one ever told me, because now i understood more. i knew more of where she was coming from and how she learned. it was such an eye opening experience.

now i'm 26. and being mormon i've learned so much about life and eternity and heavenly father's plan for each of his children. i know how much my heavenly father loves me, and more so, how much he loves my mom. he commands us to be like children. to be meek and humble before him. how grateful should i be that my mother is that ultimate example to me?! she is a sweet spirit that my heavenly father has put on this earth to guide me and influence me and help prepare me to return to him.

no, growing up wasn't always sunshine and rainbows. it was hard and difficult and frustrating at times. and i didn't have this eternal perspective until i was well into my 20's. but it is because of this eternal perspective that i am able to focus on the positives of my mother. i love her. with every single piece of my soul. aaaand even though she calls me every day, aaaand sometime i don't want to answer, i'm grateful she cares enough to do so. i don't know that i could imagine life without her. and i don't want to. :)

and because heavenly father loves me so much, he has given me women along the way to teach me motherly things that mine couldn't. women who so simply fill the gaps. gaps i'm happy to have. because i know my mom, and she is the best for me.

i love you, momma.

<3