What Food Insecurity Looks Like From the Inside

Around 2009 my career led me to be a fund-and-food-raising supporter of an organization named Second Harvest Food Bank of Northwest NC (Second Harvest). Supporting thousands of local families through a myriad of programs, this organization touched my heart and their mission hit home with me. This year my company, Signature Property Group, is participating in fundraising efforts with other apartment communities, vendors, and management companies in the Triad. We are all in, trying to raise enough money and food for 500,000 meals. HALF. A. MILLION. MEALS. And we are well on our way!

I am writing this blog because one, I want to ask YOU to help us. Just $1 affords Second Harvest the opportunity to buy 7 – YES, SEVEN – nutritious meals. $13 will feed one person three nutritious meals for a month! It really is this easy to make an impact.

More importantly, I want you know why the mission of Second Harvest hit so close to home…

Before you continue reading, I want you to know I had a good childhood. It wasn’t perfect, but I had a mom and sister that I loved and friends who were so fun. I played a lot of games, dominated in mother-may-I, and read more books in 3^rd-6^th grade than anyone in North Carolina, I’m sure. I had clothes on my back and my aunts always made sure we had birthday and Christmas presents. I never realized the battles we faced were unique because my closest friends faced the same battles. I honestly didn’t know I was “missing out” on anything until I went to college and made some of the greatest friendships I have today. As I share my experience, I am asking that you know the struggles I am going to share, and others I might share in the future, have molded who I am, and in a way, define who I am, but have not made me jaded to my past life. I still look upon my childhood with love in a lot of ways and I know there are many out there (some may be reading this now) who have had a much harder life than we did.

That being said…

As a child, there were a few days each month that I remember making me excitedly happy – 1) sleepover days, when friends would ride the bus home with me, 2) Monopoly game days with my best friend John, and 3) the 5^th of every month – when momma went to Jacksonville and picked up our food stamps!

Until I started supporting Second Harvest I didn’t know what it meant to be “food insecure”. I knew there were a lot of days I was hungry, but I didn’t know there was a possible solution – again, I grew up with friends in very similar situations.

On food stamp day my sister and I would come home after school and mom would be waiting to leave, anxious like we were, to go to the grocery store. Armed with a piece of paper, pencil and calculator, we would head to Food Lion, excited to have food again. 

Again. 

An adverb meaning once more, or returning to a previous condition.

The food we would buy this day would last us the next 3 weeks. Max. We wouldn’t get treats, we wouldn’t get bagel bites or French toast sticks (or other fun snacky food I grew to like at my friends’ homes), we wouldn’t get fresh fruits or vegetables (except maybe a bag of oranges and a bag of apples – for the month), and we wouldn’t get enough food to last the next 30 days. Of course, we would hope that the spaghetti, chili, porkchops, chicken, bologna, bread, potatoes, ramen noodles, etc. that we did buy, would make it the full month, but it never did. 

It would last close to 3 weeks and then we’d scrimp by, my sister and I eating our only real meals at lunch at school, having ramen noodles or mayonnaise sandwiches for dinner, sometimes going to bed hungry. Until we good food stamps… and had food… again.

And until right now, as I am writing this, I never thought about my mom, and how she must’ve felt throughout the day, knowing she couldn’t put a meal on the table for us at dinner. Maybe she didn’t stress about it as much as I imagine her stressing, but it couldn’t be easy knowing she couldn’t change our circumstances.

(For more insight on our momma and the unique struggles she has, you can read a blog I posted a few years ago titled “i love you, momma”.)

So this is what “food insecurity” is. It is not famine, it is not starvation, it is extreme bouts of hunger. It is going periods of time not knowing where your next meal is coming from. It is summer months of not having school lunch and hoping the community lunch truck is going to show up because you haven’t eaten a meal in three days. It’s eating carbs on carbs on carbs because they’re cheap and filling and not knowing until you’re 20 that you like steamed broccoli and you love fresh pineapple. It’s going to a friends’ house and sneaking packs of fruit gushers in your backpack while everyone is asleep so you can have a treat over the next couple of days. Food insecurity is going to school hungry and lying when the teacher asks why you’re so lethargic or grumpy and off from your normal mood because you haven’t eaten since lunch the day before. 

And then the 5^th of the next month comes. And for the next three weeks you’re happy. Tensions at home are subsided because everyone is fed. You think more clearly at school, you don’t sneak snacks at friends’ houses, you don’t have a reason to lie to your teacher and you get a good nights’ rest on a full belly.

Until the food runs out and you’re hoping and praying someone asks you to join them for a sleepover.

Last year I started seeing a therapist. Molly. One of the greatest gifts ever given to me is her referral (thanks Heather!). For the past year Molly and I have worked through so much. I jokingly tell her by the time she solves my problems (which she always reminds me she can’t do) I’m going to put her kids through college! This year we’ve talked extensively through my weight loss challenges. And while on maternity leave for the summer she referred me to a Nutritional/Dietician Counselor so I can specifically work on the underlying issues with my obesity.

Insert Laura. She’s a gem. In the short time I’ve been seeing her I can tell I’m already giving her a run for her money… I’ll let her know she can expect me to put her kids through college too!

A couple of months ago I told Molly I’ve had this nagging feeling that my childhood somehow has led to my obesity and I can’t figure it out because WE DIDN’T HAVE ENOUGH FOOD so reason would state I’d be thin. Maybe it was food choices? Because we ate lots of bread and pasta. But again, only 3-ish weeks every month. Sometimes less. My sister and I were talking about the propensity I have to over-eat. We tied that back to the times we did have food and we would get our bellies FULL. And now I am in constant search of that fullness, and constantly over-eating.

Then I brought this up to Laura. And know I know – food insecurity leads to obesity for these reasons and more!

• Food insecurity leads to obesity because it slows down the body’s metabolism to protect from starvation when that week-or-two of food insecurity begins. It stores fat to use it later when the periods of hunger strike.

• Food insecurity leads to obesity because of poor food choice. The cheapest foods are the highest in carbs and sugar. And while the body absolutely needs them to survive, with a slower metabolism the sugar is stored for later and not promptly used.

• Food insecurity leads to obesity because when you have food you will always overeat to overcompensate the fear that you do not know when your next meal will be there or be missing.

• Food insecurity leads to obesity because when you don’t have enough food, you’re not happy. And when you do have food it releases endorphins that make you feel happy. So, in periods of food security you may overeat for that feeling of happiness.

Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. YES! To all of the above.

When I came to college it was the first time, I had regular access to food. So, I ask Laura, who has to be the most excited dietician I’ve ever known because she gets thrilled when my brain works through problems and I ask her questions, “If my childhood was a cycle of nourishment and starvation why didn’t I lose weight when I had constant food?” GOOD QUESTION! (That’s how I know I’m on to something). She said if you weren’t giving your body constant nourishment it did not learn that it doesn’t need to hold on to the storage for a future period of hunger. And she’s right, I didn’t. I would skip meals (still do), I would prolong eating until way past the point of hunger to finish work in the library (or now at my desk). I found comfort in feeling H U N G R Y and then solving it with a big ole meal. Because that’s how I felt happiness as a child.

Yes, now I’m working through habits and thought processes to help me. I am trying to figure out how to change the fate of my food insecure past that has led me to be the 400+ pound person I am today. And yes, it feels great to know there’s light at the end of the tunnel – but that’s not why we’re here…

We’re here because I want you to see what food insecurity causes. Many of you who read this will be people who know me well, love me deeply, and will probably message me with “I am sorry you went through that”. I am asking you not to be sorry for me, or sorry for my sister, or sorry for my mother. I am asking you to recognize the impact you can have. Not just now, but forever.

I frequently think about the kids whose parents go to food banks, churches, schools, etc. and have to ask for help. I think about the children sitting in school Friday dreading the weekend because there isn’t food at home. I think about the children who are lethargic today because there was no breakfast or who lie to the teacher about why they’re in a bad mood. I think about how their food insecure lives could be leading to health problems in the future. I think about them often because they are me. They are my sister. They are my childhood friends. And there are thousands. HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS who need our help and support, if we can give it. 

We’re here because we can do our part to help absolve food insecurity and help prevent childhood obesity. We can do our part to also help adults and senior citizens who need food security as well.

My family and I are living witness that one can survive food insecurity, but should we have had to endure it? Should our neighbors have to endure it? If we can each help a little, they will not have to endure it any longer.

We are here because I want you to donate to Second Harvest. Whether directly to them or through our fundraising efforts, I want you to know you can make a difference. Just $1 buys 7 nutritious meals. Imagine giving $13 and providing 3 nutritious meals every day for a whole month for that sweet child, trying to focus in school. Or for that elderly neighbor choosing medicine over food.

Thank you for your love and prayers and support. If you can, thank you for helping us raise 500,000 meals! And, thank you for just reading to the end, I am proud to call all of you my friends.

To learn more about Second Harvest Food Bank of NW NC: https://www.hungernwnc.org/

To donate to our fundraiser, raising 500,000 meals: https://secure.qgiv.com/event/account/792917?fbclid=IwAR0vUoqo1XcdBT7GuBnCBff3mlgcZEWKAqQZOCFPv_saU825Dn2i3aeCPt8

<3

Back in the Saddle

It's official. I'm back in the saddle. Literally, I ain't neva gettin' in no saddle. (Which is probably a disappointment to my sister since she runs a horse farm. But she's gonna hafta get over that mess!) Figuratively though, I've decided to return to the world of blogs. I have this great desire to share the great things in life with the world - orrrrr just my Facebook Friends! So, share your time with me and we can talk crafts, religion, life, dating (said no one ever), work, parties parties parties and much more! Just don't expect fashion tips, because that is not in my realm of expertise. Then again, neither is dating.... But, if dating happens you'll want to witness such a miraculous event, trust me.

In our church we have an Institute program. This is a weekly class we attend to discuss spiritual topics. [LDS Institute] Our teacher, Brother Schmidt, is amazing and I try to take away little nuggets each week from class. This semester I am part-time attending a class on the Old Testament (which means I go as my schedule allows) and full-time attend a class called Jesus Christ and the Everlasting Gospel. It is so so sooooo good. Today, I want to leave you with a nugget from that class:

We were talking about Christ's Atonement for us all... John 6:38 "For I came down from heaven, not to do mine own will, but the will of Him that sent me." ...didn't we come to Earth for that same purpose? To do the will of our Heavenly Father? My heart is full of love when I think about His will for me. I know He wants me to live with Him again! And I know my Heavenly Father is pleased when I make decisions that keep me on the path to His will. While it is not asked of me to come to Earth and atone for the sins of others (that was Christ's plan), it is humbling to know that both Christ and I, and all of you, have one purpose in common - fulling the will of our Heavenly Father.

<3

#pantstochurch... #reproritize

It's not often I involve myself in overly political conversations. In fact, I avoid them at almost all costs. I don't like the idea of pushing one's opinions on another - even if I have the "correct" opinion. However, I am moved to share one of my opinions with you. I was browsing Instagram searching the hashtag "#imamormon". I came across a picture of a family's legs sitting in the pew at church. Dad was wearing black pants and shoes, baby girl was wearing silver sparkly pants and black shoes, and mom was wearing black dress pants and dress shoes. It didn't even pop up on my radar that this was a "statement" photo until the second time I read the caption: "I want more opportunities at church for my daughter and for myself. #pantstochurch #imamormon"

What? What in the DEVIL are you talking about woman?!?! What opportunities are you NOT afforded at our church??? Like the genius I am I select the hashtag "#pantstochurch" and start browsing... and I've never been so dumbfounded in my life.

I've heard of the movement for Mormon women to wear pants to church and potentially be given the Priesthood; I've never given it too much thought, other than it sounds crazy. Guess what. I WAS RIGHT!

As I sat there browsing picture after picture of women wearing pants to church and read comment after comment saying: "way to go" and "stand up for yourself" and "prove a point" and "break from tradition" and even one woman who said wearing pants to church was "fulfilling my childhood dream" I was astounded. Are you freaking kidding me?! If wearing pants to church is the childhood dream you've been waiting all of these years to fulfill you must have been one boring and sheltered child!! I also liked the girl who said she wore pants "in a sign of solidarity and sisterhood". Seriously. These women are serious. And again, I repeat, crazy.

I want to yell at each of them, "WHO CARES?!" No one ever said we weren't allowed to wear pants at church. Yes, we do wear "Sunday Dress" and our church defines it for women as modest dresses and skirts. But no where in our handbook or guidelines or interview for the temple are we told to wear skirts or repent. Nowhere are we asked to not partake of the sacrament if we are wearing pants. Or pajamas. Or dirty clothes. Or bathing suits. Or nothing at all. All that is asked of us is that we show respect and we wear our best. If your best is a pair of overalls with a hoodie or a pair of dress pants with flip flops Heavenly Father loves you the same. Does our religious tradition have women wearing dresses and skirts to church? Yes. Do the majority of us wear dresses and skirts? Yes. Are there going to be judgmental people who think you're nuts for wearing pants? Probably. The people aren't perfect. Hence why we are at church to begin with.

So what are you accomplishing besides attracting unnecessary attention to yourself with your #pantstochurch? Nothing. And what opportunities are you not afforded in our church? Women are teachers and leaders, they participate and lead temple ceremonies, they speak in sacrament meetings and General Conference. We as women are NOT missing out on anything. Maybe women can't be Bishops or the President of our church? But only a handful of men even receive those callings - and the ones who don't aren't upset about it. We get to preach to others, share the Gospel as a Missionary, and be a Disciple of Christ. So I don't get it. What opportunities will you and your daughter not receive that is necessary for your salvation? Heavenly Father wants one thing for us - to live this life on Earth worthily so we can return to Heaven and live eternally with Him. WOMEN CAN DO THAT WITHOUT THE PRIESTHOOD! They can do it in skirts, dresses, pants, bathing suits, etc. All it requires is that we come unto Him with a humble heart and contrite spirit.

I guess what it all boils down to is these women have their priorities wrong. If you're going to attend a sacrament meeting what you wear should be your best. It should be a reflection of you and your love for your Heavenly Father. When you attend sacrament meeting you are given the opportunity to partake of the most precious ordinance in our church - renewing your baptismal covenants to be forgiven for your sins. If you're coming to church so you can wear #pantstochurch then your focus as you're getting ready, walking in the building, and sitting in the congregation cannot be the Atonement for your sins. We should not use church as an venue for proving our points. Instead we should use the church as a venue for feeling the spirit, learning, and coming closer to our Savior and our Heavenly Father.

And to the sister who said wearing pants is "a sign of solidarity and sisterhood" - what sisterhood? Don't pawn this off as one representing our church. Because wearing pants vs. not wearing pants doesn't represent our church. The Book of Mormon, The Holy Ghost, service, love, compassion, The Priesthood, faith, and worship all represent our church... not your desire to stand out and be different because of what YOU are wearing or how YOU are feeling, or how badly YOU think YOU need or deserve the Priesthood.

Heavenly Father loves you. Not your clothing. He asks that we wear modest clothing as a sign of respect for our bodies. But he never said we must wear a dress to church or be condemned. If you don't have a dress then wear your best. If you don't want to wear a dress, fine. Quit making a big deal about it. You're distracting from the Spirit. You're attracting unnecessary attention to your personal feelings about a political issue. When really, we should be focusing all of our attention to spiritual matters that bring us closer to our
Heavenly Father and our Savior, Jesus Christ. You wearing pants isn't changing the view of others around you, I repeat, it is only distracting from the Spirit.

And so what if YOU think YOU deserve the Priesthood. When Heavenly Father agrees with you, we'll all know it. Until then, this is a church, not congress - so sit down! You can't petition for votes to get policies and practices changed. Protest all you want, our church guidelines do not come from men voted into positions of honor - they come from holy men called by a loving and trusting Heavenly Father. And our church will only make changes if Heavenly Father sees fit - and your picket line around temple square, abundant posts on social media, and blogs about why it's "unfair" that men are priesthood holders and women are not, will not make Heavenly Father think differently. Again - you have your priorities in the wrong place. Focus on strengthening and uplifting the church as it is. Change yourself before you try to change the church. Serve others and learn to love unconditionally. Spend your blogging, posting, tweeting, picketing time spreading the joy of redemption to a non-member. If you have all of this time on your hands pick up more sisters on your Visiting Teaching Route, write letters to the missionaries in your stake or from anywhere, or volunteer at your local Bishop's storehouse. Instead of trying to change one aspect of our church and focusing on "feminine equality", find your testimony - and strengthen it. Once you refocus yourself you'll see how silly this is. And how your plan to get back to Heavenly Father and live with Him eternally doesn't involve you having the Priesthood. He doesn't think it's necessary. YOU do. And this is HIS plan.

#reprioritizeladies.

It's True... Age is JUST a Number

Last night I saw a friend's updated FB status that said, "26 never felt so good". The following thoughts went through my mind: "I agree! I can't wait until 27! ....wait, or am I 27? No. I'm 26. ...Aren't I turning 27? No, I'll be 28. Crap!! UGH... I was born in '86... to '96 is 10, 2006 is 20, to 2007, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13... 27. I'm 27. Danggit. Virginia you gotta get it together."

It weighed on my mind all night. And still nagged me this morning. On the way to a special YSA meeting before Stake Conference I had the following thoughts in the car: "I can't believe I didn't know how old I was. That so embarrassing! But it's a good thing age is only a number. I mean, it does give you a head's up on how mature someone should be, but it doesn't really determine anything. And who cares really? 26? 27? 28? I'm still living an amazing life. But really though... who forgets their age?! I can't ever tell any one. Crap I already told Priscilla. Hmmm. Forget it. I'm 27. I know I'm 27. We just won't mention this... Let'ssssss listen to music...."

For you non-mormon readers YSA means Young Single Adults. We're non-married members of the LDS Church (The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints). Semi-annually we have Stake Conference. (Each Mormon is a member of a ward. This is the group we meet with weekly. 8-or-so wards are then grouped into Stakes with leaders over the whole stake. And stakes are grouped into regions. And world-wide our church is the same. For more information and answers go to Mormon.org.) During Stake Conference we get together as whole stake and share in the same messages.

This particular conference the YSA members of our stake were invited to a special YSA meeting. Our Stake President, President Hiatt, addressed us. He started off talking about interviewing 11-yr old children and their excitement to leave Primary (our children's program) to join the Young Men & Young Women programs (our youth programs). He talked about the excitement during interviews when the youth are 13 and 15 preparing to advance in YM & YW. He said beyond those years and the age cutoffs for serving a mission, we aren't bound by our age. He went on to talk about how important it is to "lift where we stand" and strengthen ourselves, those around us, and the church no matter where we are in our lives. He said it doesn't matter what age we are, because there is no magic age to graduate college, get married, advance in your career, or have children.  The most important part is that we are living the life Heavenly Father wants us to live. And we are becoming the people Heavenly Father wants us to become.

As President Hiatt spoke my eyes filled with tears. I knew Heavenly Father needed me to hear this message. Yes, I had already received the revelation that age is just a number (just this morning none-the-less), but I needed this message to help me apply it spiritually. I serve with the Young Women (ages 12-18) in our ward. I tell my girls all of the time how much they mean to Heavenly Father. I know I mean the world to Him too, and He loves me unconditionally. This I do not doubt! What I was doubting (even though buried deeply in the back of my heart and mind where I rarely choose to visit) was my uncertainty that I am truly where Heavenly Father wants me. Today I know I'm not only where He wants me, but I am where He needs me.

Yes, I am 27 (seriously.) and almost 28, and not married with children as I want myself to be, but Heavenly Father needs me to be 27 and single. And maybe 28 and single. And maybe 32 and single. It doesn't matter. As long as I become the daughter He knows I can be, and lift where I stand, then I'll receive the blessings He has in store.

Autumn is a Time of Change

A month ago I was driving from Greensboro to Raleigh and the leaves were just beginning to change. It was beautiful! I had this overwhelming feeling to enjoy every second of this fall because this could be my last in North Carolina. I'm getting older and feel as though a change is coming. I don't know when, or where to, or how, or why, or anything remotely reflective of a detail to this thought, but the thought is there. I'm asking all of you to keep me in your minds and thoughts and prayers as I take the necessary time to figure out where Heavenly Father wants, and needs, me. Maybe I'll stay in the city? Maybe I'll just move apartments? Maybe I'll only move to another city close by? But... Maybe I'll move to San Diego? Who knows! Right now though, I just want to enjoy every day and all of the beauty that surrounds me here!

Christian's Take on Me Being "Lonely"

Most people know I live for moments I get to spend with my nephews. I want to share with you one of my favorite stories from my week with them...

My sister and brother-in-law returned Thursday just in time to keep Jason home while I went to get Christian from school. I spend Wednesday night and Thursday morning telling the boys how much I was going to miss them when I leave and come back home. While in the car I reminded Christian that I didn't want to leave I really wanted to stay... here is our conversation:

Christian: You really need to get somebody to live with you.
Me: Why's that?
C: Because then you wouldn't be so lonely.
M: *chuckling* I'm not lonely, but I do have someone in mind that I want to live with me. I'm kind of working on it. Can you guess who it is?
C: *without missing a beat* Well it can't be me because I have to live with my mommy.
M: Nope, it's not you. Try again.
C: *without missing a beat* And it can't be my brother because he has to live with my mommy too!
M: *laughing* No no, it's not your brother. Think about it, who might Aunt Chrissy really want to live with her?
C: Ummmm.... Ummm... I'm Thinking... IS IT UNCLE BRON-BRON?!
M: *LAUGHING* Yup. That's what I was thinking.
C: *literally shaking his head and chuckling* I knew it! You have to work harder because you're so lonely.

We chuckled all the way home! And once again, I realized this little boy is too smart for his own good!

I do not doubt it... my Heavenly Father knows me well!

There is no doubting it, Heavenly Father knows me so very well. He puts a song on at the right time. He makes a friend call at the right time. He gives me a sacrament talk when I need it. A hug when I need it. And most importantly, He gives me strength when I have none. Today He was there for me; I am sure of it, 100%. Then this song came on right when I needed it most:

Tonight I smile wide, I remember better days are sure to come, I dream big and am grateful Heavenly Father is there for me, always. :)